When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits - anything that kept me small.
My judgement called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.
I am more sensitive than other people. Things that other people would not notice awaken a distinct echo in me, and in such moments of lucidity, when I look at myself, I see that I am alone, all alone, all alone.
All Too Well by Taylor Swift
There was a reason most pills were plain white, she thought, because they weren’t meant to be exciting or interesting or alluring. They were there to be used, swallowed up, forgotten about, thrown down somebody’s throat with a glass of water again and again until their problems went away and then they were discarded.
Today I will do my best. If I have a good day, I will be proud of myself. If I have a bad day, I will not dwell on it, I will forgive myself, I will put it behind me and I will continue to move forward in my recovery.
But why do I notice everything? She thought. Why must I think? She did not want to think. She wanted to force her mind to become a blank and lie back, and accept quietly, tolerantly, whatever came.